Fusion Relations

Family, Couple, Family Relationships, Interpersonal Relationships, Separation and Divorce

By Clara Olivares

It is not so obvious to understand the scheme of operation of a fusional relationship.

The concept starts with the idea of fusion: f. Action and effect of melting or melting.

Royal Academy of the Language

In other words, fusional relationships are characterized by the fact that a person, literally "melts" with another giving, as a result, one full or partial loss of identity.

This type of relationship is usually established from childhood to adolescence. It usually occurs between parent (s) and child (ren).

It is the parent who provides this type of link, where the Kids @ finds it almost impossible to refuse.

Why?

Basically for the simple reason that he is a child, and, as such, depends on the adult or to structure himself internally and thus be able to survive.

What would a child need to create a solid foundation that allows him to grow with a strong identity?

They could be summarized in three points.

1.Feel the adult's love and have a connection with him

2.Receive enough care and nutrition ( physical, psychic and emotional)

3. Learn the structures and rules necessary to internalize the limits and, therefore, feel safe.

Unfortunately, all of these points tend to not be present in these relationships.

A father/mother with a weak psychic structure " engulfs" the hit @ to lean on him/her with hope (unconscious) that he will give everything for what it lacks.

In this case, the adult does not provide any of the points described above, and if it does, it is very precarious.

Thus, the adult's situation does not recognize the needs or wishes of the child. Put another way, he denies it.

It is unable to allow the signals, needs and desires of the baby/child to be what determines the actions and not the needs and wishes of the parents.

Children who have suffered from this type of relationship tend to repeat the same pattern when they are adults. They repeat it because that model was the only one they had.

In order to be accepted and loved, they learned to merge with each other thus sacrificing their own identity.

Later, with their partners, they recreate the same pattern

They are people who want their partners and they are literally one person.

There is no differentiation between one and the other. They find it impossible to conceive another type of relationship.

This type of people usually establish links (unconsciously) with the other looking for that love, enjoyment and/or protection that they lacked

This deficit makes this search will turn in your goal, giving the following types of behavior :

1.those who go out to pursue their goal

2.those who deny that goal and go against it

3.Those who move between one extreme and the other, or in other words, the ambivalent.

As I pointed out above, the same kind of bond they had in their childhood with the mother is recreated. With their partners, they express the same way of relating that their own mother had with them.

We would then discuss four basic ways to establish the link:

1. Search for a secure attachment: the individual feels distressed by what he frequently looks for in others help and support. They feel comfortable with intimacy, are left to know and often rely on others. They probably had a warm relationship with one of the parents or both. They perceived the relationship of their parents as good and based on their own confidence.

2.Avoidance of intimacy: they are individuals who have a hard time recognizing their own anguish and therefore the search for support. They are people who do not feel comfortable with intimacy and do not like to depend on anyone, which is why it is very difficult for them to open up to their partner. They have had cold mothers with a tendency to judge and reject the other. They do not believe much in the durability of couples and the intensity of their love decreases with time.

3.The anxious-ambivalent attachment: they are individuals who show a hypersensitivity to emotions with negative nuances and show their anguish intensely. They have great doubts about their own worth and often feel misunderstood by the other. They look for complicated couples with a very strong sexual charge with which they can live their anxious love. Surely they had an intrusive and/or ambivalent parent who was perceived as unfair. They look for fusional relationships based on dependence affective and idealization.

4.Disorganized and disoriented attachment: they express contradictory behaviors, such as approaching asking for support in looking the other way, or greeting the other by turning their heads without looking at him.

I was opening this article saying that these types of relationships are not so obvious to explain. Those who have suffered, unconsciously perceive the world more from intuition than from the head. Although, paradoxically, they use rationalization as a defense mechanism.