Why Do We Argue and Justify?

Sometimes a simple criticism, complaint, reply or even a comment can open a deep wound that was there but we could not see it; It is then that we let ourselves go and do not understand that the difference between having a talk, a discussion and a fight is quite big. To avoid those regrettable situations; Come with me to understand why we argue and justify ourselves?

Why do we discuss?

Some people often have disputes over anything, which may sound like a negative criticism or comment towards them. They justify and argue that it is not true, or have excuses because they consider that in this case what happened was an exception, but normally, things never happen that way.

Why We Justify?

The cause of this irritating reaction is due to the need to please and be accepted . The subconscious fear is that if there is any negative comment towards one, we feel inferior or inadequate and that means that the other person will reject us, so we defend our position. Of course, that only pushes the other person to distance himself, even if he really did not have any problem or intention to start a discussion.

The problem with this habit (DISCUSS) is that it goes totally unnoticed, and since justification is a large part of it, when it is pointed out, the person denies that it is justified, and then goes on to argue reasons why this is not true Then they do exactly what they are denying to do. It sounds funny but it is reality.

It can be dizzying to follow the pattern of a mind that lives in fear of seeing itself as it digs deeper into a hole trying to get out the other side.

How to avoid an unnecessary discussion?

The cure is always in the problem , so we will see the real problem, which seems to be the fear of rejection, but in reality it is a belief in being unworthy .

Being like a cloud is the real solution. We have to be free as a cloud in the sense that a cloud can be strong enough to block the sun; however, an airplane can fly through it without being disturbed in the least. A cloud is also very secure in its own sense of itself; it can be always changing and adapt to the weather, but it feels comfortable with itself; since it fits the circumstances. You simply can not hurt a cloud, because you do not notice that it can stay the same shape and size, but it is also ready at any time to accept the change.

Being totally independent is not possible for a human being. We will always need someone for something, be it to help with food or shelter, or simply companionship. Therefore, keep in mind that the goal of being like a cloud is not to be isolated, but rather to be happy with yourself and thus you can live and interact objectively.

Difference between Accepting and Shaping You

There is a big difference between accepting yourself as you are and settling for what you are; That means it's good to be happy with all your qualities and abilities, physical characteristics, etc. that you already have However, having expectations is accepting that you are not yet totally worthy of your own eyes and making the changes to become someone you are proud to be. This is the principle of continuous improvement and every time you want to grow much more; the only thing I recommend is that it is not an obsession or cause of frustration, but rather remember being like the cloud accept who you are in the present moment, someone super special willing to always improve.

Steps to Avoid Unnecessary Discussion

By living in a way that you are putting the effort to improve your defects, accepting negative or critical comments without falling into the panic that one is about to be sent to a desert island in the middle of the sea without any boat, It becomes very easy.

In a way, it's actually quite simple in just a few steps.

1.  Accept all comments without defending or rejecting or justifying, just listen. To be able to do this, know that your defense is counterproductive, it is pushing people away, instead of bringing them closer.

2. Know that every human makes mistakes, including yourself. Accept what other people say about you; It makes them feel comfortable because they find a welcome ear instead of a scathing mouth. People like to be with other people with whom they feel comfortable but if they only criticize and do not build your life; Well, why do you allow them to continue in it? ( If the criticism is constructive accept them but if it is not go away they are only harmful people ). It is better to be wrong and accept criticism than to imagine that you are right and fight for it. It is much less stressful for everyone.

3. Refine your character so that you are no longer ashamed of who you are. The power to be able to stay away from verbal retaliation develops with exercise; Do not talk while you are in a group.

How to make a habit Think before Speaking?

Refrain from saying a single word when you are with a group of friends or your family for a certain time. Just so everyone knows that there is nothing wrong with you; tell them that you will remain silent for half an hour or as long as you can. If you would like to try the exercise, everyone can take turns to be silent.

You must still participate in what is happening as you would normally, but simply be mute, metaphorically; his lips are closed with tape. You will begin to hear your words forming in your mind and you will soon be able to think before you speak; more than the other way around.

Once you have worked on being able to refrain from talking; You can start to see your true thoughts about yourself and your actions that give you this feeling. Now you know how to change the way you behave and the beautiful things that are in you; which must continue to develop.